Vexxarr News
News from the world of the online comic VexxarrWednesday, April 06, 2005
Pain
I apologize. It won't happen again.
I know I don't often share here so I'm going to open a little window into my life for you.
Get some snacks. This may take awhile.
I have a bad back. I tore various dorsal muscles while working art department in L.A. some years back. One of those lifting twelve-by flats with a friend, walking backwards, I stop and he doesn't - sort of things. Suffice to say life hasn't been the same since.
Well as often happens in the Spring, my back has been acting up. So come leg day at the gym, I decide to lay off. I skip like two turns at legs in one month. Then this past Monday I felt up to giving legs a try. So I go in, wear my belt and take a turn in the old squat cage as is my habit. The warm up weight feels ok, so I do a full set with starting weight. So far so good. While I know I haven't worked legs in about two weeks and I should probably take it easy...I none the less decide to just do my normal set, normal reps and normal weight. I do however take extra care with my form, stay on my heels, yadda yadda yadda... All goes well.
Or so it would seem.
Next morning, I get up. The back is fine. I shower and begin to get ready for a meeting. As I stand up from my computer chair I discover something odd. My leg muscles - particularly the quadriceps and hamstrings - have been surgically removed while I was asleep. In their place I discover ingenious mechanisms crafted solely for the purpose of inducing pain directly into my central nervous system by way of induction. They aren't sore so much as saturated with jagged shards of glass. Walking isn't so much a chore as it is a kinetic exchange of alternating pain threshold experiments somehow harnessed into a form of random locomotion. When I bend at the knees I actually see the color GREEN.
So I just walk with long strides and punctuate each step with the sort of vocabulary that might elicit a severe look from Lenny Bruce.
The worse part is, my legs are going to be in agony for several days. They only way to shorten the duration of the pain is to hit them again with squats in four days. Imagine if you will a drug which is unpleasant to take, has no recreational side effects but provides the sort of withdrawal that one would expect when forcing a pit bull to give up FOOD - cold turkey.
I'm going to go lie down now and listen to my legs hurt for awhile.
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